Hard Pore Corn

Okay. So something interesting did happen during the day. Hence the second post.
I’m very pissed, terribly incensed thoroughly disgusted and extremely furious. All my plans for 31st seem well on their way down the drain. I’ve been disturbed, like many others in Bangalore, because of this fresh new threat that arrived some hours back. You can read all about it here and here. It seems 6 jihadis have already entered the city and are going to execute an extremely well devised plan tomorrow around 10:30 in the night. Hotel Grand Ashok and Chief Minister’s residence are the primary targets. However, I fear, most other happening party locations, and most probably high profile hotels, would be targets of these attacks. Also probable are attacks on various malls and pubs. One can never say what these people have in mind.
I am planning to shift my plans to somewhere else and I hope people take heed of the early warning and do the same.
More than happy, I would say have a safe new year.

If nothing interesting comes up in the day, this is probably going to be the last post for the year that was, 2005. Don’t know why but it seems to have gone by at a not-so-break-neck speed. Maybe because it was the first year when I have been completely on my own. A clique of friends in the company, shifting houses, credit card statements, movie theatres, appraisals, deadlines, breaking news, great music and of course lotsa beer and smokes. All of these have made life worth living in this city. Bangalore wasn’t that bad as I found it to be in my initial 6 months of stay, that was last year. I hope I carry these very sentiments with me as I continue to live here.
Ok, too much sap. Gotta go run and see if I can get passes for some party tomorrow.
Have a very happy new year!

The serene campus of IISc was set astir yesterday by an alleged terrorist attack. Prof. M C Puri, a retired Mathematics professor at IIT Delhi was shot when an unidentified person in army faitgues opened fire just outside the J N Tata auditorium. He was declared D.O.A by the doctors at MS Ramiah hospital. 4 others including two students were seriously injured. Dr. Vijay Chandru, co-inventor of the Simputer, has sustained severe injuries due to 3 bullets wounds. The assailant allegedly escaped in an ambassador car parked nearby.
What amazes me is the apparent negligence on the behalf of the city’s security agencies. A tibetan student had climbed on top of one of the buildings in IISc and shouted anti-China slogans when the Chinese premier had visited the city. Even after this, there was hardly any checking for identification cards at the various entrances to the institute. I have myself strolled in once, without any questions asked, walked about in the for about an hour and come out unscathed. But honestly, how could a man get in with an AK-47 rifle? Also there have been so many threats in the past, regarding plans of terror attacks on the IT centres in the city. There have been bomb scares galore in Electronic city and ITPL (all hoaxes but still) Isn’t this enough to ramp up security measures at least at key locations?
This incident, in the pensioners’ paradise, has left the residents of Malleswaram, Rajajinagar and Sadashivnagar shell shocked, since none of them expected any such incident in their area, far away from the bustling economic centres of the city. It is quite appalling. Well, the CM has ordered an urgent high profile meeting to review this incident and come up with a new security arrangements plan. Let’s see what good comes out of this.
More on this news in : ToI, Hindu and IndianExpress.

Well you wouldn’t be asking that question if you were living here.
Imagine if your town was named “madar****” or “ch***ya” or “***** ke baal”
Imagine also a situation where you had to tell someone where you came from. Disturbingly funny isn’t it?
There was this question in a quiz once, which went something like “The residents of this town in USA had recently (which was pretty recent at the time) raised a petition for and also successfully renamed their town since the earlier name was causing them a lot of embarassment. Can you guess the earlier name?” The name was Anthrax and it was around May 2002 that these people got the name changed since around that time a mere mention of the word Anthrax would set off a series of trials.
My roommates colleague’s last name is Yedahalli. Usually down south, people have their town’s name as the surname. Now we all know what Yeda means in Hindi. And Halli in the local vernacular is town. So put the two together and you’d probably take his case for having emerged from a town of loonies
Dunno the real meaning of his name, but it would certainly be funny if there were at least one Indian place were named such.

The title of this post literally translated from French to English means, “the wit in the staircase”. Have you ever kicked yourself for being a tad bit slow in making a barb at someone? Have you ever felt that you could have put someone in his/her place with a witty remark that’d leave back a burning sensation in their posterior, but it was well past the time when you thought of something that’d really sting them hard? This is called the L’esprit d’escalier scenario where you would realize you could have made someone’s day miserable after you’ve crossed them a few stairs/flights back in the staircase.
Here’s a website where people have posted real-life incidents where they wish they’d either said something other than what they did, or even in some cases, something at all.
Found it amazing. This and a lot more links, courtesy, StumbleUpon. Do check out this amazing Firefox plug-in.

Sunday evening saw me having the most fun time I’ve had till date, in Bangalore. For those who are still unaware of how boring Bangalore can be for a person in his/her early twenties, I would really suggest spending a weekend here with no friends around. That apart, I’m very lucky to have a few really good people who never turn down an offer to go hunting for good times.
Initial PoA was to pick up Pehelwan at her house and catch Chicken Little at Inox. But it had a sort of intraovarian abortion, when we discovered that all shows were priced at a flat 200 bucks, it being Christmas day. The party soon moved to Som’s place (feeling extremely cheated by the blokes at Casa del Sol) where we decided to go bowling. My experience at the game has been limited to viewership of the frequent (and oh so boring) telecasts of the game on ESPN. So we land up at Amoeba, the one at Leela Palace, which supposedly is less crowded compared to its other counterparts. After whiling about our time, we finally managed to get a lane to ourselves around 8pm (which is almost snooze hour by Bangalore standards)
The next 45 minutes or so went by quickly as we felled ten-pins and guzzled beer at an amazing rate. I realized I wasn’t too bad at the game, since I got a gutter-ball only twice in the 10 frames that we played. Ended up with a pathetic score of 96 which according to Pehelwaan was ‘Not bad!’ for a beginner. By the time we cleared out of our lane the pool table was free. So we quickly grabbed the cues and set up a game. Must say it was great playing after an extended hiatus of 4-5 years. Lack of practice showed up, as I could NOT manage to pot some really easy ones. Finally lost the game to Pehelwaan as I scratched on the 8-ball.
But why all this drivel, you say? Well, just wanted to point out how utterly necessary it is to do such things that make you realize your true age. The age of the mind or more importantly of the soul. Just because you grow older by a year every time you drive a knife through some baker’s creation, doesn’t mean you have to shed your youthful nature like old skin. Life is something that one must cherish. And when you look back a few decades later, it must evoke a smile full of satisfaction and accomplishment. Not a sinking feeling resulting from a late realization that the sands of time have slipped out of one’s hand. Thankfully so far as I’ve come on the path of life, I think I’m well on my way to a future that’ll see me grinning from ear-to-ear.
Hasta luego, amigos.

Sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it? But it’s true. As of 20th December 2005, Reliance Infocomm Limited has decided to discontinue usage of their own landline service at any of its office buildings. And Santa seems to have arrived on-time (or even before time) for MTNL, as the Mukesh Ambani-controlled RIL has signed papers with them for 250 new lines for its office at Maker Towers. More lines will subsequently be procured for the Ballard Pier and Tulsiani Chambers offices.
The sibling rivalry may have meted out a lot of anguish and pain to the steadfast board of directors, but it certainly seems to have done a world of good for MTNL. Is elder bro’ sending out a message through this act or is it just a desperate attempt to avoid eavesdropping on board-room discussions?

An Indian doctor settled in the US and running a clinic, has lost his doctor’s licence due to a malpractice issue. Today’s Hindustan Times carried an article on him. The US board says he allegedly used weed killers and pesticides to cure cancer patients. Why not I say? He merely put 2 ‘n’ 2 together. Weeds are unnecessary vegetation that grows in your gardens. So is cancer! Just that the substratum is a bit different. Most of his patients seem to have good to say about him. Also agreed, that he claimed to use “alternative” methods to achieving a cure for the disease. But charging somewhere close to $25k to $45k for a 2-3 week dose of “locust spray” is a bit outrageous eh? Don’t believe me. Check out the pricing on his clinic’s website.
Tchah. I should have become a doctor. At least I could rip-off rich, sick dudes. That or a very expensive gardner in Bel-Air.

It feels like it’s been a long time, although it was only a year back that tragedy struck its most fatal blow. It was around this time, a year back, that the tsunamis hit the coasts of Indonesia, Sri Lanka and India, taking numerous lives and leaving behind devastation of leviathan magnitude. Tourist havens were transformed into graveyards in a matter of days. Never in the history of our country have the sea gods been so unkind. For those who haven’t yet witnessed it, here is a definitive picture resource @ the NatGeo website. Also there is the first hand account of the photographer himself.
Just a homage to the souls that departed, not only in the catastrophe but during the rescue operations that ensued. Also a salute to the selfless volunteers who made a beeline for the cause of rehabilitation. The resourceful “have”s could visit ReliefWeb’s website and see how they can help in the ongoing recovery work.

The power of the rupee hasn’t been very alluring. But at least we can get them phoren lukkhas to shell out their monies for our luxurious and depraved ways. Team India’s recently landed a humongous sponsorship deal with Nike. The American sportswear giant has signed a contract for about $27.2 million as part of which it will provide game gear and put up its logo all over their clothes alongside Sahara One. That now makes the blue boys worth even more than Juventus and Abramovish’s Chelsea. Sadly (not for me, silly) the other brands aren’t going to take it happily as their players are not going to be able to endorse them during the period that Nike holds all sponsorship rights, i.e 5 years. More details here.
However a very good thing to happen for the controversy riddled BCCI and its marketing team. Maybe this will get the message across to the boys, for their tour of Pakistan in Jan. “Just do it!”

Way back in 2000, the Times of India decided to make the most of the Dot-Com revolution and came out with Indya.com. Big banners, hoarding and print ads declaring the renaming of India from the 52 year old nomenclature to a hep, new, snazzy, cool name, were in circulation. This time some others (of course, not without acerbity) have taken up the task. I absolutely loved the creativity and angst that was stuffed into each carefully chosen word and thought they deserve a wider audience. So I immediately took up the task of publicisizing them.
Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia’s evil, satire-laden twin has this to say about India. Read the full wiki entry here.

“I thought we killed them all…but I guess I was an idiot”

~ Oscar Wilde on India
….

Everyone in India is born computer genius superior to any other loser race on this planet (Mars). They all can do calculus before thay can speak.
….

History
The people of India used to be very civilized until they got bored of it. Then, some Europeans saw India and decided they wanted it. When the Queen heard them whine for it, she decided it was ok for them to have it if they would fight the French. Then, one very old bald man said that we must not fight for independence. That will confuse the British. This Reverse Psychology worked as the British got confused and left.
….

In another corner of the web UrbanDictionary.com has come up with a lot of interesting definitions for the land of swamis and snake charmers where elephants roam on the streets and hukkas are the latest in-thing.

I used curse the west for such a cliché notion they had about us, but jab se hosh sambhala hain, I seem to concur.

It all started when I sauntered into Garuda mall on Monday night. Was just passing by Inox when I randomly thought of booking tickets for a movie. So I called up a friend of mine and ask her if she wants to go on Thursday. She says, “Neal n Nikki would be fine” Should have seen it coming. She’s been ogling at posters for of the said movie for quite some time. So I walk up to the man and proudly emerge, from the ticket window, a proud owner of two tickets to the latest Yashraj flick.
The movie begins with a shriek when Uday Chopra shouts “Hike, hike, hike” and simultaneously begins narrating his surprisingly short saga, a tale about his forebears landing their combined ass in Canada, as the camera pans and scans over the scenic countryside.
As the movie proceeds Chopra turns out to be more than just the monkey that he looks in his previous movies. Here he has successfully portrayed a monkey that’s high on hormones and has popped in a few blue pills for good measure. Had it been a suave actor in his stead I would have called him a womanizer, but the look on his face when a lithe Tanisha prances around him in Halla Re, is that of a kid let loose in a candy store! He tries in vain to grope the lass by her various body parts. Somehow she manages to impress him enough to have him dash back to meet her while some nakkie woman is inviting him to join her in the lake. Bah….errors errors everywhere, and the director expects me to believe this guy is a womanizer!!!!
The snooty and extremely irritating Nikki Bakshi, played by Tanisha, snubs jobs as if she’s some crabby aunty refusing to buy from the local green grocer unless he gave her plump, red tomatoes. The director tries to make up for her annoying traits by making her the only bratty kid of rich parents blah blah, but it’s all put across so vaguely that it all feels fake. And then miraculously she ends up ruining poor I’m-getting-married-and-desperately-need-to-screw-an-urban-gal Chopra’s plans in Vancouver. The producer must have been happy with her attitude. What with her agreeing to plods around the streets in push-up bras and school kid clothes, the expenditure on clothing must have been even lesser compared to any Mallika Sherawat flick. I thought they cut corners in financing a movie. Here I guess they cut the entire bolt of clothing. The proud seamless (har har) girl has proudly erased all doubts about her acting talent (or the lack of it) with ample exposure of her “that part of the body below the neck and above the abdomen”.
There’s an apparent dearth of editing in the screenplay and script and the flow of the movie takes a beating due to this. It’s funny how there is no mention of Gurneal ‘Neal’ Ahluwalia’s horniness in the first few scenes where he’s staying with the parents. Then all of a sudden one song is supposed to explain it all. How he has been having wet dreams since he was born, how he fantasized about an Algebra teacher (is it that common?), how he was the heart-throb of all girls in school and how he dreams of doing “it” with someone… soon!
The make-up artist seemed to be displeased with apna Uday “I am the one and only Mr. Dharavi” Chopra. I haven’t seen such magnitudes of lipstick (that too brown) on a male actor other than Kannada movies. The actress seems to have been covered up well (only on the cosmetics front) except for that fact that the wrinkles around her eyes compare easily to moon craters. I highly recommend the scene where the two are battling it out ekdum junior KG ishtyle whether Neal had employed the services of a prostitute to lose his virginity. Chopra looks like an extra from Planet of the Apes in this particular scene.
Gaurav Gera, aka Happy Singh (aka Nandu from Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi) refuses to let go of his Mandolin/Guitar/Ektara (he uses only one string) throughout the movie. His expressionless face indicates a repressed childhood or apparent lack of protien and sugar in his diet. Everytime there is a mention of the name Sweety (Richa Pallod) he promptly breaks into a panjabi number praising her beauty. He does some really funny half-squats-on-the-spot in the dance (which actually makes him look as if a needle pricked him half on his way to the crapper) for Neal’s “bachelor party at the barn”. Wonder where his father keeps his prized horses when the bachelors are high on hormones, ROTFLMAO.
Coming to the most important part of the movie. The story. There’s none. For more expert comments on this please see Taran Adarsh’s review. This movie is strictly a no-no for you serious movie watchers!!! With every other female stripping down to her bare essentials (in some cases even more) this would easily classify as soft porn. A woman strolls into a Starbucks, takes off her trenchcoat revealing her body wrapped in a red saree, orders a coffee, pulls up a chair next to the “oh-I-am-so-sweaty-that-my-tee-shirt-shrank-and-vanished” Neal, and writes her phone number on the topless (sports jackets do not qualify) male’s chest. And voila, our hero has a date. “Oh he’s so smooth!” *starry eyed expression*
Mr. Director Sir, are you trying to prove that the Chopra dude is irresistable since a woman drops her clothes and unzips him in public? So what if it was only his jacket, our hero seemed quite pleased, eh? Or was it the weight of the bird perched on his lap that evoked such squirmy expressions from his rather pedestrian face? All in all the movie is full of such gaffes and directorial blunders. Badly handled screenplay and horribly selected star cast. Dudes n dudettes. Stay away from this movie, except for Happy Singh. I’m still rolling on the floor with memories of his “I-have-a-light-saber-up-my-ass” expression. Do watch it with someone who you want to start hating Bollywood flicks.

Bite me, huh!

We are half-way through with the first decade of the 21st century. And a spectre haunts our country. The spectre of corruption. A lot many scams have happened in the past uncovering the decadent face of polity in our country. So many are they in number that it fails to even affect the battered common man, voting or otherwise. The recent operation Duryodhan by the guys behind Cobrapost.com has brought to light yet another scandal. Earlier this quarter, there was the oil-for-food thingy…now there’s the money-for-query scam. The scoop will no doubt help boost the number of hits for the aforementioned website as well as the readership of the newspaper represented by the numerous columnists who participated in the operation. But has anyone wondered how very few Congress MPs, in fact only 1, have been spotted begging Mea Culpa? How clean has the incumbent party come and how maligned is the shamefaced BJP, who around 2 months back was merrily slinging mud at the ruling party? Am not asking people to smell any rats here, but it’s worth raising an eyebrow, ain’t it?

Although I haven’t been watching or following the Indian encounter with their sub-continent neighbours Sri Lanka, it was a moment of mixed feeling of pride, joy and vicarious accomplishment when Sachin finally broke the long standing record of 34 centuries, in the 2nd Test at Kotla.
Details of the event can be found here.