Hard Pore Corn

A few months back I got a call at around 7 in the morning. Here I’ll let the post speak for itself.

Ring….ring….ring…

Me: Hello…. (very drowsy greeting)

Caller: Who this is? (Buddy, it’s me who should be asking this question)

Me: This is Anup….may I know who’s calling?

Caller: S*. I friend of R*. I want talk to you. (Huuuuh…It starts)

Me: Yes….oh R*….okay….what do you want to talk to me about? (Why the hell did you call me at this time?)

Caller: I get call from Tata Elxsi (my company)….I have test….interview….at 10….I want to talk about that…

Me: Certainly….TEL is looking for freshers this month….that is 2004 passouts….had you sent them your resume stating your average score….because they are pretty strict about the minimum percentage….they’ve asked for 70% aggregate, you know!

Caller: Yes….I send mail last week….today I got test….so want help from you….

Me: What was your aggregate for engineering?

Caller: 68%.

Me: And to which university was your college affiliated?

Caller: Chaudhary Charan Singh University, UP…..but I need your help.

Me: Uh….in what way could I help?

Caller: I want question paper!

Me: WHAT??? Come aga…. (I was surprised at the audacity of the demand)

Caller: I want paper (a bit louder and cutting me off) …. test paper…

Me: I’m sorry I can’t help you with that….the HR department has possession of all testing material….(and I wouldn’t give it to you even if I had it, bonehead)

Caller: But R* tell you can help….so I call you….you help R* also na! (What do I make out of this drivel)
Me: But I only discussed the paper sections with R. Just told him which areas the test concentrated on and what he should read befo….

Caller: (Jumping the gun and again cutting my sentence) I WANT THAT….the only question type….is there technical or business or practical knowledge….If they want basic technical funda or CAT like apti test?

Me: Alright….see the test is divided into two parts. Technical and General Aptitude. Each section has 30 questions. You have 30 minutes to answer each section. Sometimes there maybe more technical or aptitude questions…like in my case there were 45 in the technical section.

Caller: Business questions (It’s aptitude, moron)….level is hard…(I don’t know whether a question mark goes here, coz it sure didn’t sound that way)

Me: No, no. Not at all. In fact it’s pretty easy. Nothing outside your previous curriculum. Problems like trains travelling towards each other, work distribution, your kids’ ages, venn diagrams (What the fuck was I talking?)

Caller: What level? (If brevity is soul, dude, you’re Marvin Gaye)

Me: Pretty easy…..I did pretty well without much studying…..so you should do alright.

Caller: Ok….ok (finally…..I thought it’s over)

Me: Cool…..so best of luck with your test. And let me know if you need help at TEL. My extension number is ****.

Caller: WAIT. I need help on Parrot.

Me: What’s Parrot?

Caller: Parrot System Limited. It is near to your company only. I get call from there also. I got test there at 11:30….

Me: Oh, you mean Perot Systems. It’s a nice company. You should go for the test surely. But I can’t help you with that…..

Caller: No….Can I attend the Elxsi 8 batch?

Me: What’s the 8 batch?

Caller: 8 o’clock….second batch…..today 2 batches. I then go to Parrot easily……

Me: Sorry but you’ll have to contact the HR for this. If you want I can give you his number.

Caller: I have it. But I thought you can help with shift my batch to 8 wala batch.

Me: Actually, the HR department is totally different. I as a programmer have no say in their functioning. I’ll try anyways.

Caller: Ok. If you change the batch…..then call me on this number. I am going to mandir for prayer…..I never go to a test without prayer……(Yeah you can skip the studies and spend a day prior to the test in a Yagna maybe. And just why the fuck was this necessary for me to know)

Me: Okay…..fine. Bye then….I don’t think I will go to office that early anyways. So I will try to call up Ajay, my HR and ask him. Ok.

Caller: Yes. But give me info about 8 batch….I am waiting.

Me: Fine….bye. (You horrendous SOB)

Last I heard this dude had been selected by a company called Flextronics. But by Jupiter, Juno, Toutatis, and how many ever Roman/Greek/Hindu/Norse gods there are, if I get any more calls like this I think I’d probably smash my cellphone to the last IC.